I’m the last of 3 kids, 2 of them boys, so I grew up with everything being, “eeeew, that’s so girly!”; and everyone knows that the girliest of all girly things is love.
But I was always so fascinated with the concept of love. I was fascinated the same way little boys are fascinated with a dead animal: it’s cool, but it’s gross, but you want to touch it, but it’s got maggots all over it, but you want to touch it anyway, but you don’t want your mom to catch you touching a dead animal ‘cause then you’ll get in trouble…
So all the information I had about love I got from the movies.
Some key ingredients for being in love: crying; rain, wind, and some sort of dramatic music; Richard Gere; candle-lit dinners in empty restaurants; and long emotional speeches that always result in the one you “love” forgiving you for whatever horrible, unforgivable thing you might have done.
But the turning point in my understanding of love came while watching a romantic comedy with my mom (behind my brothers’ backs, of course. I don’t want them to think I’m girly). And I always imagined watching movies with my mom would be – like the movies – some great testament to mother-daughter love: we’d sit together under a huge blanket eating popcorn, and throwing it playfully at each other, and mom wouldn’t yell at me for getting popcorn all over the floor, or make me pause the movie to go get a mugshasha and anadiff alakil almashattat fil 7itta kulaha…
So in the movie, the guy says something like, “the way the wind plays with your hair really brings out the color of your eyes, and makes me realize the true beauty of your soul”, and I’m like, “awwww” and then I hear, “Biss! Ghaytu alrujal dail kaddabeen kidib!”. I look over at my mother, who is now looking over at me in total disgust and saying, “awww3ik tatla3i zay albanat albisaddigu jins alkidib da! Alwa7id iddeek kalmatain 7ilwait il7as baihum mukhik uw yala!”
That day marked my discovery of Love a la Soudanaise – or love, the Sudanese way!
Key ingredients!
1. Love means – pet names! Some of my favourite pet names over the years have been: zifta; gashrona; gashar; marad; or any angry combination of the four.
2. Love means – never having to say “I’m sorry, I can’t”: even on your deathbed, if a loved one requires assistance, a ride to the airport, or heavy lifting, you dust yourself off and you go. 3eib. Almot mal7oog.
3. Love means – that person will know you better than you know yourself. For example:
“I love you”
“Oh, that’s so sweet, but… I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way…”
“Don’t worry, you will!”
4. Always remember – be assertive!
“Ana dayrik 3ala sunnat Allah wa rasoolu”
“Ma3laish, bas ana ma bafakkir fil 3iris 7assi”
“Yakh gulta laik ana dayrik – inti malik kida?!”
A part of me longs for a taste of those candle-lit dinners in empty restaurants under the rain. The rest of me, however, can’t get enough of Love a la Soudanaise.
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