I am still mourning you

 by Enas Suleiman

Eid was always your favourite holiday –

colourful teyab, extravagant jewelry, fancy shoes

It was also your worst –

screaming children, ka’ak fingers, stained sheets

And when family rounds came

you claimed the evil eye would haunt us

for too much beauty shouldn’t ride in one car

Eyes rolled, mouths laughed, but car doors always opened

I picture chandeliers on the ceiling

of your newly acquired home

Beams bringing in angels

to cradle you out of solitude

I see you –

kohl eyes, white scarf, pink toub

I feel you –

warm embrace, life-sized heart, motherly worry

I miss you –

kind soul, thundering laughs, gossip queen

Your voice resonates in grandma’s living room

Bouncing off the walls you built

Your face I see as I dream

Imploring us to keep praying and shed no tears

Hallucination conquers my hearing and vision

My eyes sting

My lips quiver

I am still mourning you Auntie Eslah.