by Iman Elnour
You are; the 5AM repentance after my 5PM sin. The secret between me & my creator. & the questioning of morals. You are; trouble.
You are; the lies I tell my mother & the empty threats I make to myself. The turned cheek and the choked down truth..you are; the pride I can’t seem to swallow.
You are; the flat line & the steady beating heart. The collapsing of lungs, & breath of fresh air. You are; an IV of my saline tears.
You are; the final nail in my coffin, the earth that surrounds me, the screams from six feet under & the relief only surrender can bring.
You are; 2AM thoughts, 3AM tears, 4AM whimpers & 5AM prayers. You are; the 24 hours I will never get back & the 25 I wish were in the day.
You are; what I imagine heaven to feel like & the free fall down to hell. A burned out halo & broken wings. You are; the practical joke gravity keeps playing on me.
You are; a hesitant hand holding a loaded gun. A noose with no ceiling. A game of Russian roulette with your words. You are; the human form of assisted suicide.
You are; the advice I never took & the things I should regret, but don’t. You’re the worse it could always be, but the best I’ve ever known.
You are; a reluctant “I love you” & stuttered hate through chattering teeth. The warmth that stops the chattering & the shiver up my spine.
You are; the grain of salt I have to take your truth with & the bliss sponsored by my ignorance. The turning of a blind eye. You are; ideology tempered with pragmatism.
You are; The battle I’ve won & the war I’ll inevitably lose. The weapons I’ve forged & the kinks in my armor. You are; the wounded heart on my sleeve.
You are; what I thought I wouldn’t miss, but what I long for in solitude. A half baked apology & an unripe promise. My least favorite muse, but my greatest inspiration. You are; the time I don’t have and the page I can’t turn. You are; the poem I can’t bring to an end.